Creating A Perfectly Blended Family: The Do’s and Don’ts Of It

Rocky and Namrata waited until they decided to get married to tell the children. Soon after they were married they informed the children they expected to be called mom and dad. Since they had different beliefs about discipline, Rocky and Namrata handled their children differently. A few months into their efforts to create a positive blended family experience, they realized it wasn't working. Strained relationships, marriage stress, and conflict abounded.

Sadly, much of the family tension that existed was preventable. Had Rocky and Namrata implemented the strategies detailed in the do's and don'ts of creating a blended family that follow, they could have saved themselves considerable frustration.

Are you contemplating blending two families together? Are you planning on marrying someone with children? If so, check out the ideas below. They just may help you create a more satisfying and nurturing blended family.

Do's and Don't for Blended Families:

Do start talking with your children about the possibility of blending your family, early. LONG before your marriage, begin the dialogue about the future family life. Mix in lots of listening so that all the children feel heard.

Don't push your children into creating relationships. Allow those relationships to evolve slowly and naturally over time. Give your children the time, space and flexibility to adjust to the new situation.

Do establish new traditions. Some current traditions and rituals you will want to maintain. Others you will need to create around the new family setting. Look for uniqueness in your new blended family and build a tradition around that.

Don't expect your stepchildren to call you mom or dad. Let the stepchildren decide what they want to call you. Their comfort level is important here. If they don't naturally settle on a name, meet with them to mutually establish a name that you are comfortable being called.

Do establish a unified parenting approach that is evenly applied to all in the family. Reach agreement with your new partner on how to address the important parenting situations that present themselves. Correct behavior from a position of, "This is how we do it in our family."

Don't focus exclusively on the family and neglect strengthening your marriage. Raising children is a challenge. Raising other people's children is a special challenge. Having a strong marriage will help you manage the challenge of blending your families together.

Do spend some time alone with each child and stepchild. Set aside time each day to connect one-on-one with all the children in your new family. This will help them establish a sense of belonging that enhances their connection to the family.

Do hold family meetings. This gives all members of the family a chance to express their opinions and have input into the rules, schedule, and planning of upcoming events. Family meetings provide opportunities for family members to vent as well as express appreciation.

Don't attempt to do it alone.Seek support from a local community organization or family therapist professional.

Helping couples improve strained relationships (MarriageCounseling)

If your family has been going through troubles due to your strained relationship with your partner, it is time to seek marriage counseling from a trained counselor or therapist. Various types of counseling services are offered for helping couples to resolve conflicts and repair their stained relationships. Some people might opt for faith-based counseling to their clergy whereas others might refer to professional help and guidance through therapy sessions. Following is a list of some of the professional psychiatrists who can offer marriage counseling.

1.Psychologists or other mental health providers with license in clinical psychology

2.Social workers having a Master's degree in social work

3.Family and Marriage therapists having a Master's degree and clinical experience in family therapy

4.Medical doctors who are trained Psychiatrists and offer medicine prescriptions

Couples counseling, individual counseling, group therapy and family therapy are some of the most popular types of counseling modules approached by the marriage counselors. If you too have been looking for counseling or therapy sessions to restore and rebuild your relationship with your partner, you can seek help from any of these above mentioned sources. However, it is important to consider here that no amount of marriage counseling will help unless both the partners are 100% committed to work through their marriage. Learning useful tricks to work out disagreements from counseling sessions is a long term investment that can take a long time from several weeks to months or even years depending on the intensity of the situation.

A licensed marriage counselor would help you to learn the tools that are needed for effective communication so that you can resolve the differences and difficulties during crisis situations. Depending on the degree of deterioration of your relationship, your counselor would ask you to come for weekly, bi-monthly or monthly sessions. No matter how often, your therapist asks you to attend his sessions, the goal is to bring you together with your partner and analyze the source of conflict. Therefore you must always consider the location of the therapist before approaching him/her. Following are some helpful tips for finding therapist in your neighborhood:

1.Ask your family physician for referrals.

2.Search in your local phone book / yellow pages directory for family and marriage therapist under the counseling section.

3.Ask your family members and friends for referrals if they know of any reputable marriage counselors.